I finally found my daily driver. A quick review of the HP Spectre x360 13.5

After dumping my ThinkPad P16 for a refund, I felt like I was going to have to give up on the laptop world. It seems that the issue of portability always leads to a story of compromise. I never purchased the best laptop, but rather felt like I was picking the least worst one. My new machine is still a tale of sacrifices but at least the papercuts don't hurt as much this time.

I had to teach myself a lesson of being less impulsive and do much more extensive research to pick my new daily driver. Eventually, I settled on a HP Spectre x360 13.5 and generally pleased with the choice that I've made. No, I haven't found computing heaven, but this piece of equipment has successfully proved itself useful for 95% of my use cases.

When I went for the ThinkPad, I was in impulse buying mode and maxed out the machine unnecessarily. I mean, I configured it with 128 GB of RAM that I've historically never filled. The 'just in case' mentality that permeated me limited my choices quite a bit. It seems that workstation laptop is an oxymoron. Spending a premium did not lead to a premium experience.

Eventually, I decided to take a step back and review my actual use cases. Thankfully, I've been keeping track of my computer usage for years using ManicTime and HWInfo. What revealed itself was that I was overbuilding my machine. Most of the demanding applications that I use can now run on affordable and efficient processors and on average, I was using 24 GB of RAM.

Realizing that I needed to put my arrogance aside and downsize opened up the opportunity for many more laptops but it still wasn't an easy task finding something that I'd be happy with. The HP machine ended up opening opportunities for me rather than limiting despite the more limited power.

Machine Specifications

I ended up gaining a few perks but there are still a few quirks here and there. This is a summary of what I gained and what I lost.

1. Battery life was the biggest game changer for me because I was no longer tethered to a wall outlet anymore. My previous workstation laptops could barely hold for an hour before shutting down. If I really had to squeeze in a little bit more, I had to close down as many applications as possible to minimize CPU and GPU usage. Now, I don't have to worry about that anymore and enjoy several hours of battery life. I can be a bit more nomadic now.

2. When at home or at work, my laptop is connected to a docking station for a desktop like setup. Plugging in my previous laptops into a Thunderbolt docking station was like playing Russian roulette. I'd pray that all the displays would come to life and often they wouldn't. Unplugging it to get going out was a risk in having the machine crash. Now, with the docking station I have at home, and the one at work, the displays come to life every single time and unplugging is painless knowing that the machine will still be alive.

3. I've had really bad luck with thermals in all my past laptops with overheating being common and no amount of repasting and clever placement of thermal pads would save the laptop from throttling under heavy load. It didn't help that the laptop was too hot to touch nor was the loud noise a pleasant thing to hear. Because of the more efficient CPU and integrated GPU, I haven't had a single throttling incident and even when pushing the machine hard, the whirr of the fan is tolerable. Otherwise, while using it casually, the fan never spins up.

4. It's a convertible therefore it can fold into a tablet form factor. I don't need to carry both an eBook reader and a laptop anymore. When folded, I can read books to my heart's content. I'll admit I miss the eInk screen from a proper eBook reader but adjusting the colours to a sepia tone and bringing down the brightness makes it an acceptable experience.

5. I can finally look at a beautiful OLED screen because workstation laptops for some reason come with terrible TN panels, low resolution and impractical 16:9 aspect ratio. Now, with a resolution of 3000x2000, I get an incredibly crisp and vibrant image and using fractional scaling to make sure I have just the right amount of screen real-estate. The 3:2 aspect ratio takes the cake.

6. The build quality is vastly superior to what felt like plastic in my previous machines. The aluminum construction feels solid with no flex or give. It really feels like a premium product that will last for a while.

7. Unlike my previous purchases, the laptop didn't cost the price of a used Miata. I still wasn't that cheap but it's less than half the price of what I paid before.

8. Unfortunately, I have lost the behemoth GPU power that my previous laptops had and it has limited the games I can play. While I usually use the HTPC connected to the TV to play more demanding games, I still want to play on the small screen sometimes. However, the games that I often play are pretty old and run fine with the integrated graphics. For example, my simulator of choice is Microsoft Flight Simulator 2004, which I still use because I invested a ton into it. It runs well and looks great. I'm considering an eGPU setup but it seems like there might be headaches associated with it.

9. LatencyMon revealed some DPC latency issues and explains why I get some skipped frames while watching 4K YouTube videos and for games that claim a smooth 60 FPS framerate. I suspect it's a combination of power management settings and Windows Defender. I have not investigated this yet.

10. The operating system was filled with a ton of bloatware and unnecessary applications. It took a while to uninstall everything and clean up the mess that the uninstallers didn't completely get rid of. I could have gone for a clean OS install but I felt like setting up the machine like that would take more time. This is the unfortunate part as having Windows as your operating system of choice.

11. HP's support is quite lacking compared to Dell and Lenovo. They only offer drop-off depot service which means I can be without my machine for several days. Dell and Lenovo offer excellent warranty with next business-day onsite repair service.

12. I can no longer brag that I have as much RAM as some storage devices anymore.

I've had my system since June now, about to reach the 4 months mark. The experience has been quite pleasant so far save for a few minor hiccups. A story of compromise still remains but I'm quite satisfied with the machine. The machine has proved to be pretty practical fitting my lifestyle well and it looks like I'll be keeping it as a daily driver for years to come.

The HP Spectre x360 gets my recommendation and approval.

Will ChatGPT Replace Me?

I didn't expect the topic of AI to be so polarizing since last year. There are fears that it will replace many of us and some literally saying that it will take over the world. A dystopian future where your automotive accident insurance claim will be evaluated by a computer rather than a human adjuster.

Personally, I didn't feel worried. When Stable Diffusion was finally available to the public, I played around with it feeding it prompts and the results didn't impress me. In fact, they freaked me out because of how uncanny the images were.

So when ChatGPT became public, I predicted that it would have that same uncanny feel and that it would generate results that just feel a bit off. I thought, to the trained writer, they might be able to detect that a piece of text was AI generated.

Soon enough, I started hearing tales from close friends that they were using ChatGPT to write their essays for a hated philosophy course. Their essays were convincing enough to land them decent grades and pass the course.

I underestimated the usefulness of this AI system.

Going back to Stable Diffusion, the uncanny valley effect that I mentioned made me realize that what it lacked was depth. Everything that came out of it was just too clean and perfect. When we humans are presented with something that lacks those subtle cues, we start feeling uncomfortable. We know it's not right.

Last night, bored before sleep, I signed up for an OpenAI account and got into ChatGPT. I started asking it basic questions and it would respond with some pretty accurate and neutral output.

However, I decided to get tough with it and see if it could answer a question that I wrote about a few years ago and was basically the only online who ever wrote about it. "What games simulate automatic transmissions correctly?", all the games it listed were the popular racing titles, none of which don't simulate automatics accurately.

Now the above is just an anecdotal example and someone more clever than me would have provided better prompts for more accurate answers. Or get it to spit out very inaccurate information, or just make up facts. What they have termed as hallucinations.

After spending some time with ChatGPT, I started noticing that it always followed the same essay-like structure. An introduction with the thesis, a series of arguments that were even numbered, and a conclusion with a disclaimer that the answers could be subjective. For a school essay, this structure is perfect.

But, just like the freaky stable diffusions images, the results from ChatGPT lacked character and nuances that make each writer unique.

It had mechanical feel and felt generic but many popular websites write in that style since many of the authors are ghostwriters and they must purposely compose something vacuous.

CNET for instance was caught using ChatGPT output as articles for their website. Because their content is already pretty generic, it didn't seem like anyone noticed. They only got in trouble when they admitted themselves that they did this.

Personally, I'm not afraid that ChatGPT will replace me. I do know it will improve over time and other competing AI products might do a better job. In some near future, I can imagine an AI system would be able to replicate my style.

Especially in the realm of non-fiction, the amount of research done for a certain topic is easy to determine based on how depthful the discussion is. Humans can fall for the same trap as AI programs doing something shallow and poorly researched.

For example, the infamous Wikipedia "Bicholim Conflict" hoax describing a war that never happened. If you find a blogger or website writing about it as fact, then you know that they didn't look beyond Wikipedia for their research. Having that featured gives a good idea on how much effort the writer puts into their work.

I asked ChatGPT to tell me about this conflict, and I was impressed that it didn't fall for it, simply stating that it couldn't find anything about it or that it was lesser well known, or even fabricated. Another explanation though would be that the article was removed when ChatGPT was fed data to learn and maybe it's not as smart as it seemed.

For me, I will embrace ChatGPT as a tool to help me research, but just like Wikipedia, it would be a starting point rather than a replacement for good research. ChatGPT is seen for me as an interactive encyclopedia. And just in case anyone has any ideas, I won't be copy-pasting from the output or paraphrasing it.

When it comes to the general public, I don't think we should make laws to limit access to applications like ChatGPT or put huge disclaimers. Just like any tool, we should be taught about the limitations and drawbacks so we can use them appropriately.

Song of the Day 004 - Electric Youth - Marnie

Helen Marnie is a somewhat obscure artist known for her dark and sombre music with the iconic track The Hunter among others like Hearts On Fire, Wolves and Lost Maps with a slightly macabre held melody in addition to lyrics that cause a downturn in the morale of the listener. However, this kind of music reveals a kind of depression that exposes a more realistic outlook on life rather than the fake happiness found in the majority of pop songs.

[Verse 2]
A girl and a boy, just fun
No conversation, no complications here
Dark corners were made for dirty secrets
Work your way into my psyche
And hurt me
I'm my own worst enemy

[Pre-Chorus]
Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now
Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now

[Chorus]
When the nights are calling
Animal instinct always
Young blood cursing, violent flames
When the nights are calling
Signals pulse like we're electric youth
When the nights are calling you
[Post-Chorus]
When the nights are calling
When the nights are calling
When the nights are calling you
[Verse 1]
A story of us unfolds
I stand arrested, my education strewn
A girl and a boy, a guilty pleasure
Plain to see that you're taking over me
So, hurt me
I can't even help myself

[Pre-Chorus]
Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now
Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now
[Chorus]
When the nights are calling
Animal instinct always
Young blood cursing, violent flames
When the nights are calling
Signals pulse like we're electric youth
When the nights are calling you

Electric Youth changes the tone a little to something much more upbeat giving the impression to the uncareful listener that what’s being presented is something happy. However, it’s nothing but a façade and even charade of a dark meaning hidden behind excitement. It seemed that Helen wanted to make something lively but couldn’t help herself with morbid lyrics that are unintelligible until they are actually read.

A scene starts with an abandoned building full of graffiti and quite unkempt. Teenagers enter what seems to be a disguised dance room though completely unfurnished except with the shine of a disco ball. Curiosity shows up on their faces as they look around but they quickly get used to their entourage. The camera is pointed to demonstrate the group's impressive dancing talents but what lied behind them is the band.

The song immediately begins reciting the first verse right away revealing Helen’s existential disorientation. Dark lyrics of confusion become obvious but with no recourse to stave the chaos. She begins telling her story.

But that’s not the strongest part of the song, but rather the two climaxes in the chorus. It’s more important to begin with it as it unravels the loop that the song finds itself in. Essentially, it sets the tone for what it is to come and what came before it.

When the nights are calling
Animal instinct always
Young blood cursing, violent flames
When the nights are calling
Signals pulse like we're electric youth
When the nights are calling you

Lyrics start with a response to the call of night, a darkness and predator filled one and then followed by a plea to animal instincts which would help cope with the dim night-time. However, the day doesn’t come soon enough seeking refuge in violent flames, i.e. a camp fire. The reference to young blood is a sign of naivety, unprepared for the challenges that the night brings. As a result, she harks to the past, as a pulse of energy from an ‘electric youth’ where responsibilities were non-existent, wishing for it dearly. The verse ends again with another call to the night, because the first one hasn’t been answered.

Oddly, this is the most energetic part of the song, and the intensely dynamic choreography (performed by Urbaniks Street Skool of Dance) feeds into that energy. As soon as the chorus starts, the intensity of the dance fires up, turning the desolate abandoned building into a fire-filled dance. Perhaps this is how Marnie is trying to seek protection from the night, maybe projected through nightmares. However, that darkness is never seen in the music video. The enthusiasm presented is probably a retreat from the negativity.

We can see Marnie making an effort in order to suit her song to a wider audience, in addition to enliven her song a bit more to a mainstream listener, she picked the generally similar key and tempo found in other popular music. The main key is C# and she doesn’t really deviate much from it and a tempo of about 130 which is essentially the average key and rhythm of what plays in most popular radio channels.

Looking at the score, it is easy to find how strongly influenced is the song by pop music tendencies. The notes in both the accompaniment and bass note reside within the C# key seldom escaping from it. While the melody is quite novel, the percussion sticks to the modern tendencies of pop music with a very simplistic beat.

Chorus (First Half)

Interestingly, it seems that Marnie is trying to give the song an eighties vibe, something comfortable on a record player. While the dance is modern hip-hop style, the synth supporting it all is clearly less progressive. Like many songs of that era, leaving the instrumentation alone reveals that it’s not what builds the melody. Rather, the singing is the base of the melody. This is very common in music from that era as seen here by this example from Michael Jackson’s Beat It.

Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now
Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now

The pre-chorus is really simple but the intention is actually quite complex. It shows a submissive side where the performer is allowing themselves into water. We would imagine that humans would melt into quavering jelly, but the liquid has lost so much essence that it has become something drinkable. The previous line invoking a ‘boy’ could be a reference to a love story, the secret but obvious undertone of the video.

Several scenes of the teenagers in a landfill dumpster seem to be running and playing around. This represents some kind of innocence that Marnie wants to bring back into her life but all is thrown out when a girl drops a tire down a hill. This is an attempt to cancel out the choruses which it succeeds but subconsciously showing falling action as a narrative.

There is an expression that is commonly used just before being ‘hey now, hey now’. According to some urban dictionary definitions, the expression is made when someone is approaching to make their presence known. It can be worded in such as way to signal something positive is coming. However, there’s an odd contradiction, these lyrics, being an introduction to the intense dancing also introduces the dark chorus we analyzed earlier. In other songs, this expression is often used in a positive sense only like in Hilary Duff’s What Dreams Are Made Of.

In addition, while the pre-choruses are repeated twice, there is some subtle difference between the two. In the first one, the percussive instruments are almost completely cut-off, leaving only the leading synth instrument with Helen’s voice going down a few notes. In fact, while the music preserves the original key, the notes are so far down that it gives the illusion of a key change, nearly an octave. The melody almost becomes the bass. Now, the second iteration of the pre-chorus has the same attenuation in terms of instruments, clapping is added which gives the impression of humanizing the section a little more. This brings the hope needed to get into the second chorus, which is also what the second climax brings into view again. However, the tension never truly goes away as seen by the lazier dancing done by the group.

The Pre-Chorus

The clapping is a common technique used by video game music when describing more lively levels with a so-called fun aspect or gameplay. An excellent example is Carnival Night Zone Act 1 from the November 1993 prototype of Sonic 3. In this section, you can definitely hear the clapping before this music also goes into its bells-sounding climax.

Now exploring the verses, two of them, shows a slightly more dangerous aspect to Marnie’s idea. They’re essentially a sign of hopelessness, confusion and disorientation. When they play, the dancing scenes are put away revealing mundane scenarios instead. (such as throwing rocks at an empty wine bottle)

The first one, the teenagers haven’t even entered the building yet, laying instead on the wall. At this point, this is where the first verse is reciting, immediately before the instrumentation even starts a few seconds later.

A story of us unfolds
I stand arrested, my education strewn
A girl and a boy, a guilty pleasure
Plain to see that you're taking over me
So, hurt me
I can't even help myself

As Marnie puts it’s clearly, describing a story that unfolds, essentially a narrative for her enema. Arrested with a strewn education, in other words, uncertain knowledge implied by the use of the word education. She ends with a request to be hurt, unable to even help herself. This gives the section a very depressive feel, one where is so pained, they want more.

A girl and a boy, just fun
No conversation, no complications here
Dark corners were made for dirty secrets
Work your way into my psyche
And hurt me
I'm my own worst enemy

The second verse hints at the same meaning but with a slightly clearer undertone. Lost in dark corners where she hides her secrets of depression, work their way into her psyche as she states. This time however, the pain isn’t a request, but rather a result of her secrets. The fear gets to the point where she sees herself as her own enemy, presumably from some kind of trauma or longing for the past.

Both verses reveal a secret love story that Marnie never elaborates on. In both cases referring them to ‘a girl and a boy’. The girl being her, and the boy, presumable the one she mentions in the pre-chorus. There is a sense of innocence, amplified by her line ‘a guilty pleasure’ that isn’t sung anywhere else. However, the music video does show a couple being obviously attracted to each other with the subtle smiles between them and the kiss at the end. One of them inscribes a heart with the letters EYT (probably meaning Electric Youth) on their arm.

There are several scenes of some of the dancers riding old-school bicycles with the footage slowed down. I’m not entirely sure what meaning it serves, but it seems like the slowness represents a sense of hesitation, as if the singer is not really sure what direction to take the song into. However, I’m not certain if that was intentional as the music is very consistent despite going through two climaxes.

One more interesting aspect is how Helen presents herself in the music video, though only three times. Her hair is coloured grey, a sign of age and weakness. While she is desiring to relive her more lively-filled past-self, she can’t escape all the time that passed until she found herself participating in the band.

Finally, the song ends with a post-chorus which just repeats “When the nights are calling you” several times while the song slowly fades out and as the dancing slows down with the entire group on screen. It seems that the line accumulates positivity as the dark night becomes a lively party. I’d say that Helen has managed after several failed attempts of negativity, she finally manages to bring the song out of its hole.

Disappointingly, I don’t think the title of the song, Electric Youth, has much of a deeper sense to it. It just seems that it was put there just because the expression was in the lyrics.

There’s an interesting coincidence that the song title, Electric Youth, is also the name of a Canadian duo that just happens to sing electro-pop songs too. This is very likely to be accidental, in fact, I’m almost sure of it. While the other group does have some darker music at times, there is more positivity in what they compose and produce.

This endeavour of music analysis was probably the most difficult part because I attempted to go deeper than just the general feel of a piece of art. There’s always more ways to imagine a production because it gives a glimpse into the consciousness of the artist. Though this is certainly not a comprehensive analysis as I’ve missed quite a few parts. Feel free to comment with your own views!

You can’t afford to be an artist and/or author, let alone be respected.

Us denizens of the Internet have become familiar with concepts that were foreign more than a decade ago, one of the most that causes the most influence is going viral. There’s so much variety on the web with content providing the impression that anything could essentially make you rich. However, hidden behind the curtains of survivorship bias is a massive community of people that practice art and express their creativity in a way that’s absolutely thankless.

Due to the accidental underground nature of an artist’s work, it’s unlikely that they will make any dough out of their production. Seems like in order to practise their art, they need a reliable but remedial job to pay the bills. Unfortunately, the nature of that kind of work is energy depleting zapping any creative juices needed for the concentration and initiative to produce content. Let alone something of high-quality that doesn’t exude fatigue.

Turns out, for most of us, we can’t afford to be artists, authors and creatives. Having full control over your processes comes at a cost of uncertainty and instability of money supply.

I was a deluded believer at one point that what made things so popular was the quality of a project. Eventually, I realized that it’s not the best work and most original that makes it to top, but rather the mediocre. Luck plays a big part in climbing the ladder in addition to slick marketing. The creatives with eccentric personalities often fail. Why?

My walks across the web has exposed me to obscure concepts that I found serendipitously. It was exciting to find a new favourite music track only to discover that the video accompanying it to have only several hundred of views. In fact, seeking refuge in Spotify divulges no result for which to add to my library. Going back to our question, what makes things fail? I have the impression, as some others have taught me, rather than through my own intuition, that what ‘makes it’ is something that fits the most common denominator.

These include things like food where tasters spend weeks finding the bliss point, or a pop artist using the same chord progressions over and over again; with lyrics they probably didn’t even write. Or perhaps another sitcom with yet another ironic love triangle with predictable outcomes and endings so obvious that spoilers are not even warranted.

I grew respect for many of these artists and people who radiate originality. Writing another exciting book or a low-budget movie with a more esoteric story. Rather than feeding themselves, they are feeding us, unintentionally, or even unwillingly. They bestowed us with gifts that fit our niches so we can distance ourselves for yet another mediocre work.

Some of these types have divulged the differences between being unknown and popular. Many have revealed to me that if they get big enough, their fans’ expectations of a constant stream of content puts them on a production treadmill. As a result, turning their passion into yet, another job.

Many creative types, and arrogantly putting myself into that bucket, hope for some kind of impossible miracle of some type of passive income that will keep us alive with much initial effort but eventually getting big enough to put it aside but give us a positive cashflow.

I can see my projects present hints of tiredness of the obligatory 8 hours and I see it everywhere too. The inertia of the energy is no longer there anymore. What they had time for before moving out have become an insufferable chase for free time that simply cannot be filled with anything else of lifelessness.

Although I can throw the idea of donating to someone you like, it results in absolutely nothing. Even very popular, say bloggers, don’t get much money from donations. Ads and sponsorships work, but my inclinations whisper to me that it’s not kosher. Going back to my first blog post, I alluded that the nature of our jobs no longer matches its own output when it comes to money. I can’t think of a solution because abuse will be rampant. Say we introduced a pension for artists, it will be used by the same people who defraud for disability pay or early retirement.

The only thing I have right now is thankfulness and gratitude to the many obscure artists who keep me entertained and for free. I don’t want to sound cheesy and say that you’ll end up somewhere and to work even harder.

However, you have been so late and never attempted to defend yourself. Think of the world’s unions protecting workers in order to keep their job a bit more sane. Lobbyists have the power to push governments to submit to them. Too bad nothing like that can exist for my most loved makers.

There’s no judgement for the popular ones, but I implore that those who work white-collar jobs to have a bit more respect for something they take for granted. Endlessly rich CEOs, don’t look down at someone who is trying to make their voices and guitar solos heard on stage. If you don’t want to help, and I bet most of you wouldn’t even help yourselves, at least, give their content a chance. Take a break and admire, there’s much love in there. They are the true evangelists.

I believe it would be a very interesting topic to gather up ideas on potential ideas that would allow people to express themselves without having to suffer too much from the universal grind. Leave comments below.

Much discussion flourished on Hacker News: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32487190

Slowing Down Your Time Through Chaos…

Life brings you to meet many people and you start to arbitrarily and judgementally to make distinctions about what they do in life. It’s even more obvious when you consider yourself a productive person.

To give one anecdotal example, someone would work at the same time doing the same thing everyday churning out tickets. After work, they might have supper with their family and then run to their television or phone for the rest of the night. Then go to bed. Those who have a bit more pizzazz in their life might have gone to the gym as an item in their life before or after work. Assuming the matrimonial life hasn’t destroyed platonic relationships, you see your friends at the same day of the week in the same bar. Being drunk means, you talk about the same things over and over again.

My elementary, high school and university life went by very quickly. Every week, it was the same thing. Every night, it was homework and assignments. Every weekend, it was the same activities with your friends.

It gets trite really quickly and your birthdays get closer and closer. I realized that I didn’t want to live in a fleeting life that just flashed before my eyes with vague memories.

I had to kill routine.

The trickiest part was work, because that really forces yourself to follow the same schedule every week. Suddenly, my preferences made my job selection really small as flexibility wasn’t a luxury everywhere. Becoming a freelancer helped quite a bit because I held contracts with different clients doing different things every week. I attended the meetings and pulled on the due dates, but that was it. My hours were put all over of the place in both time and setting.

Other things such as hobbies can be spread out through the week in any way you want. Friends and family time become a choice based on convenience. Volunteering was outside of work hours and there various events were spread out well. I read whenever I felt like it and wrote at whatever time. Learning was no longer a forced setting, but rather according to my own pace and interests. On and on…

My organizational skills used to be based on a strict calendar. While it decided when and what I’ll do, I couldn’t account for any originality or even worse sudden interruptions. Instead, I started to decide the night before what activities I’d like to do. Then, I’d eliminate any temporal concept. Instead, anything could be done at any time as long as it was finished on time.

Things suddenly looked more colourful as they were based on whims and interests at a given moment.

I fell in love with the chaos that I lived in, and realized that I wouldn’t want to live my life in any other way. It was difficult at first because the discipline it needed. Every day was different and every day you had to adjust to your tasks.

Going back to the anecdotes, I realized that many people were only comfortable with the routine but it seemed so vapid to me. I respect people’s choices but I still feel a sense of arrogance because of my living arrangements.

My advice at this point, stop doing the same thing all the time. Explore your life a bit and enjoy discovering yourself. Sitting in front of Netflix every night isn’t going to get you anywhere. As I mentioned in previous blog posts, take that new-found time to learn and express yourself in ways that you never imagined.

Leaving routine is very difficult and sometimes soul-crushing to the point of bringing down morale. However, the journey will start slowly and eventually you will enjoy it.