I used to think that I was better than everyone else because I thought our pandemic was a result of an evolutionary accident that spread through contact with animals. I would read the newspaper everyday in fear of death because another 300 people died and another 5000 are at the hospital. What if I’m next?
Turns out, I was all wrong and those conspiracy theorists actually turned out to be very insightful people.
So my first hint that something was up when I got my third vaccine. I noticed that my cellphone reception got so much better and download speeds were much improved. The corner where the reception bars are no longer showing LTE but instead 5G. I was stunned. This was undeniable proof that COVID was in part caused by the installation of new 5G towers.
Our cellphones have become spying machines but there weren’t enough because they couldn’t read our minds or control our heart rate. This is why they implanted a chip inside the vaccine that would be injected to us. This is no doubt that it is for mind control. Just like fluoride in our water.
The deaths and illnesses that are developing are completely normal. Everyone dies of viruses every year, nothing is going wrong. The statistics are pure fabrication just to put the world in mass hysteria. This was simply the precursor experiment to see if the globalists could control us only with propaganda. But that failed so they decided that they needed to implant chips as phase two.
Globalists are keeping gene pools in storage containers in the arctic because they’re protecting themselves from all the genetically modified organisms that they are feeding us. COVID is simply another organism that they created in a lab. This is exactly like the black plague that was made by the British Empire to reduce world population.
The other hint that made me reflect was that after the second vaccine, I developed a deep love for Bill Gates and Elon Musk. I really wanted to donate to the Bill & Melinda Gates foundation despite having only a few dollars left in my bank account. I signed up to be next on the list to buy an expensive Tesla Model S Plaid. That’s probably because of the chip. I’m finding it harder to believe my theory about COVID but with pure willpower I’ve overcome the effects of the chip. You can do it too if you read my book “The Truth About Covid And How To Use Your Mind Powers To Combat It”
Unfortunately, I felt like it was too late knowing this conspiracy after getting three shots. So I worked with some of the top homeopathic doctors in the world to develop a remedy for this. This is a very effective product that we spend months developing. We patented it so big pharma couldn’t use it. It can only be bought through me. Based on it’s healing properties, we called it Restoria XL.
The patented mix contains high quantities of phosphatidylserine sourced from bovine cortexes and other secret herbs which strengthens your immune system. It contains calcium orotate with eradicates all the fluoride in your blood. It also contains detoxing properties which will make you feel so refreshed every morning. We also used an innovative method to microdose organic phosphiliates using healing crystals. All these ingredients are 100% natural and vegan friendly. Don’t talk to your doctor about it.
If you put the coupon code Anti-5G-Mind-Control when checking out, you will get a 34% discount on your next bottle of our amazing patented product. Get it now before Bill Gates controls your mind!
This was a satire…