Song of the Day 004 - Electric Youth - Marnie

Helen Marnie is a somewhat obscure artist known for her dark and sombre music with the iconic track The Hunter among others like Hearts On Fire, Wolves and Lost Maps with a slightly macabre held melody in addition to lyrics that cause a downturn in the morale of the listener. However, this kind of music reveals a kind of depression that exposes a more realistic outlook on life rather than the fake happiness found in the majority of pop songs.

[Verse 2]
A girl and a boy, just fun
No conversation, no complications here
Dark corners were made for dirty secrets
Work your way into my psyche
And hurt me
I'm my own worst enemy

[Pre-Chorus]
Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now
Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now

[Chorus]
When the nights are calling
Animal instinct always
Young blood cursing, violent flames
When the nights are calling
Signals pulse like we're electric youth
When the nights are calling you
[Post-Chorus]
When the nights are calling
When the nights are calling
When the nights are calling you
[Verse 1]
A story of us unfolds
I stand arrested, my education strewn
A girl and a boy, a guilty pleasure
Plain to see that you're taking over me
So, hurt me
I can't even help myself

[Pre-Chorus]
Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now
Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now
[Chorus]
When the nights are calling
Animal instinct always
Young blood cursing, violent flames
When the nights are calling
Signals pulse like we're electric youth
When the nights are calling you

Electric Youth changes the tone a little to something much more upbeat giving the impression to the uncareful listener that what’s being presented is something happy. However, it’s nothing but a façade and even charade of a dark meaning hidden behind excitement. It seemed that Helen wanted to make something lively but couldn’t help herself with morbid lyrics that are unintelligible until they are actually read.

A scene starts with an abandoned building full of graffiti and quite unkempt. Teenagers enter what seems to be a disguised dance room though completely unfurnished except with the shine of a disco ball. Curiosity shows up on their faces as they look around but they quickly get used to their entourage. The camera is pointed to demonstrate the group's impressive dancing talents but what lied behind them is the band.

The song immediately begins reciting the first verse right away revealing Helen’s existential disorientation. Dark lyrics of confusion become obvious but with no recourse to stave the chaos. She begins telling her story.

But that’s not the strongest part of the song, but rather the two climaxes in the chorus. It’s more important to begin with it as it unravels the loop that the song finds itself in. Essentially, it sets the tone for what it is to come and what came before it.

When the nights are calling
Animal instinct always
Young blood cursing, violent flames
When the nights are calling
Signals pulse like we're electric youth
When the nights are calling you

Lyrics start with a response to the call of night, a darkness and predator filled one and then followed by a plea to animal instincts which would help cope with the dim night-time. However, the day doesn’t come soon enough seeking refuge in violent flames, i.e. a camp fire. The reference to young blood is a sign of naivety, unprepared for the challenges that the night brings. As a result, she harks to the past, as a pulse of energy from an ‘electric youth’ where responsibilities were non-existent, wishing for it dearly. The verse ends again with another call to the night, because the first one hasn’t been answered.

Oddly, this is the most energetic part of the song, and the intensely dynamic choreography (performed by Urbaniks Street Skool of Dance) feeds into that energy. As soon as the chorus starts, the intensity of the dance fires up, turning the desolate abandoned building into a fire-filled dance. Perhaps this is how Marnie is trying to seek protection from the night, maybe projected through nightmares. However, that darkness is never seen in the music video. The enthusiasm presented is probably a retreat from the negativity.

We can see Marnie making an effort in order to suit her song to a wider audience, in addition to enliven her song a bit more to a mainstream listener, she picked the generally similar key and tempo found in other popular music. The main key is C# and she doesn’t really deviate much from it and a tempo of about 130 which is essentially the average key and rhythm of what plays in most popular radio channels.

Looking at the score, it is easy to find how strongly influenced is the song by pop music tendencies. The notes in both the accompaniment and bass note reside within the C# key seldom escaping from it. While the melody is quite novel, the percussion sticks to the modern tendencies of pop music with a very simplistic beat.

Chorus (First Half)

Interestingly, it seems that Marnie is trying to give the song an eighties vibe, something comfortable on a record player. While the dance is modern hip-hop style, the synth supporting it all is clearly less progressive. Like many songs of that era, leaving the instrumentation alone reveals that it’s not what builds the melody. Rather, the singing is the base of the melody. This is very common in music from that era as seen here by this example from Michael Jackson’s Beat It.

Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now
Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now

The pre-chorus is really simple but the intention is actually quite complex. It shows a submissive side where the performer is allowing themselves into water. We would imagine that humans would melt into quavering jelly, but the liquid has lost so much essence that it has become something drinkable. The previous line invoking a ‘boy’ could be a reference to a love story, the secret but obvious undertone of the video.

Several scenes of the teenagers in a landfill dumpster seem to be running and playing around. This represents some kind of innocence that Marnie wants to bring back into her life but all is thrown out when a girl drops a tire down a hill. This is an attempt to cancel out the choruses which it succeeds but subconsciously showing falling action as a narrative.

There is an expression that is commonly used just before being ‘hey now, hey now’. According to some urban dictionary definitions, the expression is made when someone is approaching to make their presence known. It can be worded in such as way to signal something positive is coming. However, there’s an odd contradiction, these lyrics, being an introduction to the intense dancing also introduces the dark chorus we analyzed earlier. In other songs, this expression is often used in a positive sense only like in Hilary Duff’s What Dreams Are Made Of.

In addition, while the pre-choruses are repeated twice, there is some subtle difference between the two. In the first one, the percussive instruments are almost completely cut-off, leaving only the leading synth instrument with Helen’s voice going down a few notes. In fact, while the music preserves the original key, the notes are so far down that it gives the illusion of a key change, nearly an octave. The melody almost becomes the bass. Now, the second iteration of the pre-chorus has the same attenuation in terms of instruments, clapping is added which gives the impression of humanizing the section a little more. This brings the hope needed to get into the second chorus, which is also what the second climax brings into view again. However, the tension never truly goes away as seen by the lazier dancing done by the group.

The Pre-Chorus

The clapping is a common technique used by video game music when describing more lively levels with a so-called fun aspect or gameplay. An excellent example is Carnival Night Zone Act 1 from the November 1993 prototype of Sonic 3. In this section, you can definitely hear the clapping before this music also goes into its bells-sounding climax.

Now exploring the verses, two of them, shows a slightly more dangerous aspect to Marnie’s idea. They’re essentially a sign of hopelessness, confusion and disorientation. When they play, the dancing scenes are put away revealing mundane scenarios instead. (such as throwing rocks at an empty wine bottle)

The first one, the teenagers haven’t even entered the building yet, laying instead on the wall. At this point, this is where the first verse is reciting, immediately before the instrumentation even starts a few seconds later.

A story of us unfolds
I stand arrested, my education strewn
A girl and a boy, a guilty pleasure
Plain to see that you're taking over me
So, hurt me
I can't even help myself

As Marnie puts it’s clearly, describing a story that unfolds, essentially a narrative for her enema. Arrested with a strewn education, in other words, uncertain knowledge implied by the use of the word education. She ends with a request to be hurt, unable to even help herself. This gives the section a very depressive feel, one where is so pained, they want more.

A girl and a boy, just fun
No conversation, no complications here
Dark corners were made for dirty secrets
Work your way into my psyche
And hurt me
I'm my own worst enemy

The second verse hints at the same meaning but with a slightly clearer undertone. Lost in dark corners where she hides her secrets of depression, work their way into her psyche as she states. This time however, the pain isn’t a request, but rather a result of her secrets. The fear gets to the point where she sees herself as her own enemy, presumably from some kind of trauma or longing for the past.

Both verses reveal a secret love story that Marnie never elaborates on. In both cases referring them to ‘a girl and a boy’. The girl being her, and the boy, presumable the one she mentions in the pre-chorus. There is a sense of innocence, amplified by her line ‘a guilty pleasure’ that isn’t sung anywhere else. However, the music video does show a couple being obviously attracted to each other with the subtle smiles between them and the kiss at the end. One of them inscribes a heart with the letters EYT (probably meaning Electric Youth) on their arm.

There are several scenes of some of the dancers riding old-school bicycles with the footage slowed down. I’m not entirely sure what meaning it serves, but it seems like the slowness represents a sense of hesitation, as if the singer is not really sure what direction to take the song into. However, I’m not certain if that was intentional as the music is very consistent despite going through two climaxes.

One more interesting aspect is how Helen presents herself in the music video, though only three times. Her hair is coloured grey, a sign of age and weakness. While she is desiring to relive her more lively-filled past-self, she can’t escape all the time that passed until she found herself participating in the band.

Finally, the song ends with a post-chorus which just repeats “When the nights are calling you” several times while the song slowly fades out and as the dancing slows down with the entire group on screen. It seems that the line accumulates positivity as the dark night becomes a lively party. I’d say that Helen has managed after several failed attempts of negativity, she finally manages to bring the song out of its hole.

Disappointingly, I don’t think the title of the song, Electric Youth, has much of a deeper sense to it. It just seems that it was put there just because the expression was in the lyrics.

There’s an interesting coincidence that the song title, Electric Youth, is also the name of a Canadian duo that just happens to sing electro-pop songs too. This is very likely to be accidental, in fact, I’m almost sure of it. While the other group does have some darker music at times, there is more positivity in what they compose and produce.

This endeavour of music analysis was probably the most difficult part because I attempted to go deeper than just the general feel of a piece of art. There’s always more ways to imagine a production because it gives a glimpse into the consciousness of the artist. Though this is certainly not a comprehensive analysis as I’ve missed quite a few parts. Feel free to comment with your own views!

That’s it, I’m coming out. Living with Bipolar Schizoaffective Disorder and Borderline Personality...

This was a really difficult decision to make fearing the stigma behind mental challenges and disorders. Revealing my condition will definitely make me more vulnerable in my personal and professional lives. However, if we want to change the perspective of the general populace giving them more insight. More and more people need to express what it’s like to suffer in silence.

What my inside perceives as the outside. I can hear and see the colours. It’s more pain than annoyance.

Thanks to my friend Mary Moody McLean (gifted copyright 2022) for the illustration.

There’s definitely fear associated with these kinds of problems but for the sufferers, it’s even scarier. Losing control of your mind because of brain chemistry problems and neurological pathways that are going in the wrong direction. We are still in the dark ages of psychiatry, but experimentation and studies have developed therapies that enhance quality of life.

The majority of these conditions are chronic and go in the disability bucket. They affect your functioning and make living very difficult as you have to fight your mind while it tries to control you. The darkness is overwhelming and if you really knew what kind of paining we had, it would change your perspective and reveal the thoughts that make us crazy.

What is really important to understand is that our symptoms are beyond our control and not our fault. It’s not something that can be talked out of someone and telling someone to just smile and be happy is the most insulting thing you can say to us. It doesn’t work like that and having your first diagnosis really feels dehumanizing. Learning that you have something wrong with you isn’t the first step to therapy.

The majority of mental conditions are due to genetics and in some rarer cases environmental factors. One might live with a clear-mind until the genetic switch is turned on, usually between the age of 19 and 24. There’s several genomes that indicate a probability of developing a certain condition.

At one point, you realize that you need help and that’s when you seek the help of practitioners. From psychiatrists, to psychologists, to psychotherapists and counsellors. Learning that you have a broken brain causes often jealousy for those who have a ‘normally’ functioning brain. But, eventually you become mindful of what you have and strive to live with it.

Pills, pills and more pills. Day by day they get harder to swallow. As hard to swallow as my reality.

Thanks to my friend Mary Moody McLean (gifted copyright 2022) for the illustration.

A good variety of chronic conditions are somewhat well understood by most, because they can imagine what it feels like, or even have experienced themselves on a transient basis. Chronic pain, multiple sclerosis and diabetes are examples of diseases that don’t require shyness to expose. A headache for example is something experienced by many thus making it easy to relate.

Unfortunately, there is no way to ‘cure’ most affective or psychotic disorders. Treatment focuses on management of symptoms and developing coping strategies to live with them. Most psychiatric drugs have unknown mechanisms of action and they often don’t get rid of the manifestation of the illness but rather only make it easier to manage. What we take aren’t magic mood boosters or stress reducers but rather attempts to correct deficiencies in the brain. Often, just partially.

My adventure started twelve years ago with misdiagnosis after misdiagnoses being put on many drugs that were ineffective. Personally, I got my ‘final’ diagnosis only 3 years ago. Learning that I was bipolar schizoaffective with a mix of borderline personality sank my heart and even made me feel hopeless. Nevertheless, I finally had words that would tell my story in a couple of minutes rather than two hour consultations.

The symptom constellation that I own are both painful and frustrating. As for many mental conditions, they are often discovered to be prodromes. In other words, often things will get worse over time. My combination of mood swings, emotional instability, hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, psychosis, anxiety, stress, derealization, depersonalization, dissociation. avolition, anhedonia, bipolar depression and mania generate quite a battle that requires insight into each monster. You can’t get rid of them, but only learn to live with them.

I don’t need to explain every symptom I have as a quick peek at Wikipedia will give you a good taste of what these complicated words mean. Becoming an outside expert is challenging because it’s hard to speak the same language as your doctor, but for us sufferers, it’s extremely clear and we can only make sense of it when we talk with others who has similar conditions.

At this point, I’m considered ‘managed’ but not ‘treated’. Remission is too far away and often impossible; we are broken for life. Functioning for some is completely impossible while others have hope of living a somewhat ‘normal’ life. But the pain will never go away no matter how mild or severe you have it.

Dreamed view of my relief. The phantasy of reaching remission. But the coloured pain will never go away.

Thanks to my friend Mary Moody McLean (gifted copyright 2022) for the illustration.

In my case, most of my treatment was done through medication. So heavily medicated I am that I would be considered a living pharmacy with over 30 pills entering my blood. A combination of antipsychotics, anticonvulsants, reuptake inhibitors, benzodiazepines and betablockers. Some are luckier than me taking a much smaller cocktail but pharmacists tell me that only they have seen some with a bigger combination. Unfortunately, the side effects can be really dangerous requiring constant bloodwork and ultrasounds. On those drugs, you really do feel medicated, that brain fog never goes away.

Medication is not enough to manage illnesses for most of the time. I did psychotherapy for several years, and out of my pocket, such as Dialectal Behavioural Therapy, Distress Tolerance and Acceptance-Commitment. Many undergo Cognitive Behavioural Therapy but it was a failure to me and I didn’t respond.

While most people picture imagine us sitting on a sofa telling out life story but it’s much different. The focus is on symptoms and treatments with only very basic questions about personal life such as functioning, work and study. Sometimes you mention brief aspects of your existence such as stressors or other triggers.

The best way I can explain what living with mood and psychotic disorders is like this. For me, it’s like living two lives: one that is daily and outside of my head, and the other dealing with the pain inside our brain. So much energy it is depleting that fatigue is a common symptom among us. With no solution other than life hygiene such as eating properly, exercising and sleeping enough.

Blood drawn from my arms because I have to.

Thanks to my friend Mary Moody McLean (gifted copyright 2022) for the illustration.

In another way, we have the desire to eliminate the second life with any means of desperation. I have taken risks trying recreational drugs that nearly put me on the street. I have several suicide attempts under my belt including self-harm such as cutting my arms leaving permanent scars. The mental pain is so great sometimes that physical pain brings relief and a distraction to what’s going on inside your head.

I want to sympathize with those who suffer from any chronic diseases, you are brave. You are not losers who are crazy or someone with an anger management or temper problems. Our disability-adjusted life years are lifelong. Many of us have chosen to be silent. However, the person sharing your desk might be feeling like this. There’s a one-in-fifty chance that they are keeping quiet from the invisible pain.

You can’t afford to be an artist and/or author, let alone be respected.

Us denizens of the Internet have become familiar with concepts that were foreign more than a decade ago, one of the most that causes the most influence is going viral. There’s so much variety on the web with content providing the impression that anything could essentially make you rich. However, hidden behind the curtains of survivorship bias is a massive community of people that practice art and express their creativity in a way that’s absolutely thankless.

Due to the accidental underground nature of an artist’s work, it’s unlikely that they will make any dough out of their production. Seems like in order to practise their art, they need a reliable but remedial job to pay the bills. Unfortunately, the nature of that kind of work is energy depleting zapping any creative juices needed for the concentration and initiative to produce content. Let alone something of high-quality that doesn’t exude fatigue.

Turns out, for most of us, we can’t afford to be artists, authors and creatives. Having full control over your processes comes at a cost of uncertainty and instability of money supply.

I was a deluded believer at one point that what made things so popular was the quality of a project. Eventually, I realized that it’s not the best work and most original that makes it to top, but rather the mediocre. Luck plays a big part in climbing the ladder in addition to slick marketing. The creatives with eccentric personalities often fail. Why?

My walks across the web has exposed me to obscure concepts that I found serendipitously. It was exciting to find a new favourite music track only to discover that the video accompanying it to have only several hundred of views. In fact, seeking refuge in Spotify divulges no result for which to add to my library. Going back to our question, what makes things fail? I have the impression, as some others have taught me, rather than through my own intuition, that what ‘makes it’ is something that fits the most common denominator.

These include things like food where tasters spend weeks finding the bliss point, or a pop artist using the same chord progressions over and over again; with lyrics they probably didn’t even write. Or perhaps another sitcom with yet another ironic love triangle with predictable outcomes and endings so obvious that spoilers are not even warranted.

I grew respect for many of these artists and people who radiate originality. Writing another exciting book or a low-budget movie with a more esoteric story. Rather than feeding themselves, they are feeding us, unintentionally, or even unwillingly. They bestowed us with gifts that fit our niches so we can distance ourselves for yet another mediocre work.

Some of these types have divulged the differences between being unknown and popular. Many have revealed to me that if they get big enough, their fans’ expectations of a constant stream of content puts them on a production treadmill. As a result, turning their passion into yet, another job.

Many creative types, and arrogantly putting myself into that bucket, hope for some kind of impossible miracle of some type of passive income that will keep us alive with much initial effort but eventually getting big enough to put it aside but give us a positive cashflow.

I can see my projects present hints of tiredness of the obligatory 8 hours and I see it everywhere too. The inertia of the energy is no longer there anymore. What they had time for before moving out have become an insufferable chase for free time that simply cannot be filled with anything else of lifelessness.

Although I can throw the idea of donating to someone you like, it results in absolutely nothing. Even very popular, say bloggers, don’t get much money from donations. Ads and sponsorships work, but my inclinations whisper to me that it’s not kosher. Going back to my first blog post, I alluded that the nature of our jobs no longer matches its own output when it comes to money. I can’t think of a solution because abuse will be rampant. Say we introduced a pension for artists, it will be used by the same people who defraud for disability pay or early retirement.

The only thing I have right now is thankfulness and gratitude to the many obscure artists who keep me entertained and for free. I don’t want to sound cheesy and say that you’ll end up somewhere and to work even harder.

However, you have been so late and never attempted to defend yourself. Think of the world’s unions protecting workers in order to keep their job a bit more sane. Lobbyists have the power to push governments to submit to them. Too bad nothing like that can exist for my most loved makers.

There’s no judgement for the popular ones, but I implore that those who work white-collar jobs to have a bit more respect for something they take for granted. Endlessly rich CEOs, don’t look down at someone who is trying to make their voices and guitar solos heard on stage. If you don’t want to help, and I bet most of you wouldn’t even help yourselves, at least, give their content a chance. Take a break and admire, there’s much love in there. They are the true evangelists.

I believe it would be a very interesting topic to gather up ideas on potential ideas that would allow people to express themselves without having to suffer too much from the universal grind. Leave comments below.

Much discussion flourished on Hacker News: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32487190