For most, this seems like an easy question to answer. You are defined by what you studied and what you do for a living. If you file taxes, then you are an accountant. If you talk to computers everyday, then you’re probably a software developer. After telling one your name, you immodestly reveal and associate yourself to your interlocutor about what you do every day. Some other people use their roles in daily life such as “father” or “care-taker” because their so easy to choose and even easier to understand.
I was the same for most of my life. I did software engineering at university and spent 10 years of my life as a software consultant. I associated myself with computers and technology defining it as my identity. However, many years later, I became a part-time Uber driver as well, so have I become a driver instead of an engineer? My career took u-turn into technical writing. I still was in IT doing computer stuff but I wrote about it rather than writing for them. I write this blog, does that mean that I’m a blogger? So what am I?
Wikipedia has hundreds of articles about notable people. Their titles such as say ‘philosopher’ or ‘artist’ were described in a way to give the impression that it is all they did in their lives. They are essentially a personification of what they did and basically what they will be remembered for. It seems like a really shallow viewpoint to me to box someone like that but perhaps there’s no conspiracy behind it and it’s just true.
I naively entered university thinking that it will be a direction where I will have an intimate connection with computers. This was my dream since I was child. However, as an obsession, I learned much on my own and found myself not learning anything new at school. I pushed through thinking that this piece of paper would be the catalyst to my career and it wasn’t. I found my way into my career before even graduating.
Eventually, I started realizing that university was not teaching me to think or learn. Although many will title this as a conspiracy of some sort, I feel like the education system is designed to just teach us how to follow instructions and be obedient and submissive. Something that we will be doing at our future jobs worshipping our leads. Critical thinking and informing ourselves was totally out of the syllabus.
However, I saw some of my peers still studying after their basic degree. It seemed obvious that this path in university wasn’t designed to make you smarter but rather turn you into a specialist.
This was my nightmare because I didn’t want to be stuck in a tiny world where all I knew was what I researched. Instead, I want to learn about many subjects from technology and philosophy and everything in between. I wanted to become good at many things and have my life coloured with variety.
So technically, I’m a ‘generalist’ but I feel like it’s a condescending title that gives the impression that I was mediocre at everything. However, I believe that I have mastered some arts of all sorts. However, even that title wasn’t one that I didn’t want to have.
At the end, I realized that it was my job to build an identity. I could pick from some many and use a different one at each introduction when meeting people. However, that was far from my nature and what I always aspired to be. Someone creative and well-rounded. But, this couldn’t have a title because that was simplistic and benign.
One of my managers give me a compliment that I still hang on to. That I’m “always in learning mode”. It’s true, I’m constantly searching for meanings that I don’t know yet or prying electronics apart so I can see how they made it work. Not knowing something makes me feel so uncomfortable. Am I a ‘learner’ now? Maybe, but again that’s not really an appropriate title.
I’m still struggling to build an identity for myself and always wondered what I’ll be called when I pass away. I’m neither everything or nothing. I’m pulled into many directions but that’s more important and fun then being boxed to a single title that will limit me to just one thing.
Many of us are tantalized by many things so I believe it’s fruitless to keep our identity binary. As a result, I don’t think it’s necessary to have an identity of any kind and rather just enjoy what we do for both a living and in our free-time.
So what defines our identity? Nothing really. We are free to choose it. It’s a waste of time to think about. You are way more than what you do in your life.
Ironically, “Calling Out” by “Penguin Prison” is playing on Spotify. “I can’t be good at everything, so do me a favour and just take what you want!”.