Failures

The FreeBASE (2011-2014)

This was the first project that gave me the illusion that somehow I was going to be big. The FreeBASE was a video game console built with the off-the-shelf parts that played free games and media. The swath of open-source games and freely-available content made the console quite the tantalizing concept. However, despite all the effort that went into design, cost estimation, prototyping, marketing and even building a team; this project lead to nowhere.

The most obvious flaw was in the business model. How do you make money when everything is free except for the console? Unlike other manufacturers like Sony, Nintendo and Microsoft, we couldn’t sell our system at a loss and recuperate them with licensing fees since we had no licensing of any kind. This poor business idea and inability to market the system properly meant that the first step was failure.

FreeBASE was a project destined to fail and never exist in it’s designed form. I remember spending hours learning Blender to design a compact system that used regular off-the-shelf x86 components. Unlike our bigger brothers, we couldn’t put everything on a small PCB and call it day; putting it in a tiny box.

I wrote a blog post about this that’s no longer on this website due to long hiatus in blogging. I spoke to a friend who was closely involved with me in the project and we agreed that the system was designed on an emotional basis. The imaginary walls that we encountered put a stop to our tracks.

We, as a team, didn’t feel like we learned our lessons from this project, and were destined to do more mistakes in the future. It’s not enough to fail but understand where the failures came from. Despite this project being dead for a long time, I don’t feel like I learned my lesson.

There’s even a stupid promo video that was made for this blunder.

NoteBox (2014)

Another attempt at fame that went into disaster at very last moment with a kickstarter campaign that never took off let alone published. The idea was a modular laptop that used off-the-shelf parts that would allow customers to design their own system with crazy ideas such as a DVB-T tuner and even a software defined radio.

It even went to point where I actually built a prototype that was fully-functional, a laptop made with my own hands. The failed kickstarter campaign was full of details up to a concept drawing and all sorts of other details that I wouldn’t even think of now such as our implication in the open-source world.

I’ll admit that near the end of the project, I got too scared to continue. I realized that it was too much to swallow especially being an individual project. The fear let me to giving up and realizing that I didn’t actually have the resources to make this possible with the biggest challenge was making it as depicted by the concept drawing, and yes, there was one, the I actually drew with my very hands.

Flight Simulation (1998-current)

I feel in love with aviation after my first ride on a plane. I wanted to relive those memories somehow and soon discovered there was something called simulation. When I was young, I got a hold of a copy of Flight Simulator 98. I was too young to take things seriously and the aircraft bundled with the game were incredibly simplistic. As I grew older, I started buying addons for the game which were more study-level but I was reasonable: just two of them, an airliner and a single-seater. However, my collector mindset kicked-in and I bought so much addons that I never ever would use all of them.

My goal was to prepare a YouTube channel with various adventures flying different kinds of planes. However, I never had the energy or the will to actually learn the procedures and practice. It was always a dream and bought a bunch of equipment impulsively like a podcast-quality microphone and an HDMI recorder. Soon after they were sold on classifieds.

Later on, I was really impressed with X-Plane 11 and bought a dozen addons for the simulator some not even being installed in the first place. Out of all the addons bought, I haven’t learned a single one of them.

My dream is to know a plane inside-out and fly on VATSIM with the correct procedures and ATC phraseology but it’s still a pipe dream.

I think about this ‘project’ quite often but these days are more and more full and I don’t know if I’ll have the time to learn unless I neglect say work.

Eventually, I deleted all the installers for FS2004 and lost my precious collection that will be a mess to recover. X-Plane 11 is currently installed on my system with all of the addons that I purchased. The last time I started that thing was several months ago. A unread collection of FCOMs, tutorial, QRHs, checklists all remain unread on my tablet.

Reading (1996-current)

School taught that the most sacred thing in the Universe was reading, something that I didn’t disagree with. As I went by the years through elementary and secondary school, I was made to read more and more books. However, they were all fiction and that left a very sour taste in my mouth. The last book I read was The House of Spirits and I promised myself to never read a novel ever again.

Little did I realized that I was missing on a pile of knowledge that is hidden within these pages. I bought a tablet, got the eBooks I wanted (Library Genesis) and only sat the first night reading a book. After that, it never happened again and I haven’t made progress ever since.

I’m intimidated by long running tasks for some reason no matter how small the tasks are divided in. When it comes to read a book, I make the biggest excuses not to do it, usually going to sleep. I have a list of books that I want to read but I feel like I have failed myself so much.

Personal Website and Related Projects (2013-current)

This one bothers me a lot. What started as my portfolio to show off, I wanted to grow into a window to myself. I started this blog which has been pretty active and kept cleaning up my website when it got messy. The centre of attention was this blog but I soon realized that no one read it. I’m just a nobody on the Internet and no one cares about what I’m thinking about or why I’m angry that day. My life isn’t exciting with a world full of travelling or anything like that. This was on purpose, but not having a niche that my blog-mind focused set me up for failure.

My projects also never caught on. Counting on what archive.org has shown from my past, I probably have had a total of 15 projects many of them thrown out or in unliked sections of my website. Several incomplete and code removed from my GitHub. My resume makes me seem like I’ve done a lot and even though it’s true, they’re not in the complete state that they’re perceived to be in.

Even the projects that on their way to fruition are unpopular. The only way I make myself feel better is by telling myself that they are ‘passion projects’ only done out of the love for whatever medium I’m expressing or what I’m trying to sell.

The store page has not led to a single sale yet. No one listens to my online radio except me. My suggestion boxes and emails have not received a single thing in their inboxes.

No matter how much I yell on social media and plant my website on anything that allows me to put a link, I get nothing in return. I’m screaming at a door of an empty house. I wrote about this before, but I’m just a dot in the sky. Seen but easily forgotten. I consider this website a failure but it’s not going down.

I’m deeming myself as a failure, a really big one; I’ll never grow and will never learn from my lessons.

Passions

I often get asked what I do in my free time and I sometimes realize how difficult of a question it can be to answer. There’s a lot to be done in my free time either passive or active, fruitful or fruitless, exciting or remedial and so on. I treat everything as a passion; something I really do care about. Although, I often get blank stares because of how esoteric my tastes are: to me they seem normal, because that’s what I grew up with or grew to love.

I’ll be going in reverse order going from less important progressing to things that I love more and more. Even though I may favour one thing over another, that doesn’t mean that I’ll leave time for other things to be done. Of course, there may be things that I do outside of this list, but I don’t want this to become an exhaustive list of everything I like.

Music

Throughout the entire day, I’m usually listening to music in some form whether it’s on the living room speakers doing house chores or with earphones at work. There’re two types of music when it comes to what kind I’m listening to: ‘real’ tunes or video game tracks. When it comes to the former, my genre preference is pretty wide. It ranges from electronic, new age to trance to classical and neoclassical and honestly anything heavily instrumental and melodic. My favourite artists are people that no one else has heard of and makes conversations about this topic difficult to share. I even listen to pop because it’s fun and catchy but I don’t consider it good music.

Otherwise, I’m listening to video game music from a wide range of generation from the old bleeps of the initial generations to the most orchestral productions of today. My fondness from chiptunes from classic game music and the demoscene also played a role in my music tastes that I first discovered, embarrassingly, in keygens, that included this kind of music. It wasn’t until much later that I discovered The Mod Archive website where I could finally listen to kind of music at my leisure. Somewhat enamoured me into these consistent melodies that I found in this genre that I couldn’t find anywhere else. This passion lead me into creating the Live at the Intro online radio.

Gaming

My choices for gaming, I must admit, are a bit esoteric. None of my played games have made it to the Steam Top 10 Best-Sellers list and nor are the players statistics impressive either.

I prefer games that emulate reality rather than create a fantasy world. Exploring the limits of a simulation is very interesting to me and in this day and age, it’s impressive how far we have become. However, most people don’t enjoy this kind of gameplay.

My mode of gameplay is often sandbox. I don’t like rules telling me what to do or how to play. I want to set the boundaries and procedures myself and essentially create my own fun. Exploring is fun and seeing how far the world is drawn is amazing.

Probably my favourite simulation is BeamNG.drive. It was the first game that paid attention to details that other games simply ignored. It’s incredible how much the game has been developed since it was released back in 2013. In my opinion, it’s probably the most realistic vehicle simulator on the market.

Flight simulators are another deep passion of mine but I don’t have a preference for one over another. It just depends on what I’m doing. If want to fly VFR and enjoy the landscapes of the world, I’d be flying with Microsoft Flight Simulator (2020). However, I’ve invested quite a bit in addons for X-Plane 11 with study-level simulations and that’s what I use when I want to practice procedures and pretend that I’m a real pilot. Although I consider flight sims to be less of a sandbox game, you can still do anything you want, it’s entertaining to me for some reason to pull up the FCOM and start flying the plane the way it’s supposed to be flown.

Other simulations that I have wasted time include racing simulators, train simulators, trucks simulators and yes even bus simulators. There’s apparently a farming sim out there, I haven’t tried it yet; but I’m sure you’re starting to see a pattern here.

Tycoon games are another kind of sandbox that I dwell in. Whether it’s creating an amusement park or city, I’ll waste hours creating the most (im)perfect venue/place to live in/hellhole. A bit the same reason why I like playing the Sims. I find it stimulating to experience a challenge where you need to manage logistics like money, loans, politics, well-being and so on without creating a mess; such as the third theme park you build that lead to bankruptcy.

Finally, when it comes to play ‘actual’ games, for me it’s retro all the way. Anything 4th generation and below lights me up. I enjoy that the difficulty relies not on the complexity of the game but rather the creativity that went into designing the game. Everything is simple from the graphics to the music and most importantly the controls, there are so few buttons on the gamepad.

Computing

This is a term that I’m using in a very broad sense. When I mention computing I don’t mean x86-based Desktop and Laptops only. Single-board computers, microcontrollers and so on are also included. Often, just having the hardware isn’t enough to make them talk. You need to program them and part of the fun too.

When I was 9, I wrote some of my very few pieces of software, or should I say games. Visual Basic was my best friend and I got a bit obsessed with Multimedia Fusion of which I still own a copy of today. My love for programming was big throughout my life until it became a professional endeavour.

I was a religious devotee to the Ben Heck Show and sometimes inspires me to get my 3D printer out and try so squeeze in a tiny Raspberry PI into some amazing enclosure. I’m constantly on the Adafruit store just to explore what can be done with these amazing devices.

This hobby forced me to learn both the hardware side and the software angle of computing. It wasn’t enough to know how to create a webserver but you need to know how the hardware ties it all together. Of course, in between the two parts there is the operating system. I don’t have a favourite, I like essentially all operating systems; each of them has it’s uses, design faults and software libraries that suit different workflows. Many developers ignore these levels and it leads to an unbalanced skillset.

The wide set of skills really helped me understand how computers, CPUs, GPUs, RAM, storage, etc work and how the different parts of the software come to bring all that complexity all together. Knowing is not enough so I had to learn how to disassemble, modify and build computers and microcontrollers too. It even forced me to hold a soldering iron.

Driving

Automotive is a big interest for me but driving is something else. Any excuse for driving is an excuse to go out. There isn’t a day where I’m not behind the steering wheel either actually going somewhere or nowhere. I have somewhat of a routine in the morning where as soon as I am awake, I dress up and head for the driver’s seat. It’s time to go to random place and go home.

Although the change of scenery is refreshing and calming, it’s the actually the experience of controlling the car that really gets to me. Being in control of a big machine that’s much faster than you can actually walk adds a dimension of freedom. I also drive exclusively standard transmissions and it gives me the impression that I’m taming a horse. The extra amount of control of having the gearing at your hands give me the sensation of being one with the car.

My passion for driving started before it was legal for me to get into the driving seat through video games. I was absolutely enamoured by Midtown Madness 2 being the first free-roam game I’ve played. Whether it was following the rules or destroying lampposts, it gave me an idea on what was coming ahead when I was an adult.

Driving is incredibly intuitive for me and it almost feels like it’s something in my blood. Unlike most, driving is a source of pleasure instead of an evil necessity. Every journey, even the one to the pharmacy downtown generates a bit of excitement for me.

However, don’t let that make think that I don’t care about cars. I’m heavily interested in how they work and the mechanics between different types of vehicles. I must admit even busses and trucks generate some interest. I’ve learned a lot over the years from drivers and mechanics and of course Wikipedia about how all this amazing technology works. Unfortunately, my hands-on skillset is pretty weak, the most I can do is change the wiper blades and refill the windshield washer fluid.

It got to a point where I wanted to share this experience with others and started the “Driving Therapy” project. I’m hoping it inspires people though not only to enjoy the scenery and the driving experience but also motivate them get out on the road in their cars or bikes.

Reading

I’ll readily admit that I’m not an avid book reader due to a mix of laziness but also due to poor retention. Every time I read a book, I remember at best 10% of it and I either have to waste more time reading the book or look elsewhere.

When I was still a teenager, I discovered Wikipedia which changed entirely the way I would consume content. Short, well organized and clear articles about anything I could think of ranging from the inner workings of the Motorola 68000 to the giant list of automotive superlatives. Because the articles were short, I could reread them later to improve my retention. Reading the articles not only helped me improve my memory through memorization but also my analysis skills. Most of my knowledge of the English vocabulary comes from Wikipedia.

As a writer of a blog, I also like reading that of others and gives a more opinion-based approach on a topic and sometimes an insight into someone else’s mind. It’s equally interesting to dive into other peoples live, of course in a way they intended on exposing, not through skimming social media accounts.

I do read the news but usually stick with headlines. I consider news to be a form of entertainment rather than a way of informing ourselves with what’s actually happening in our world. However, it’s a necessary evil and to get the best out of we need to constantly change perspectives, re-read the same event elsewhere and fact check. I hate the term ‘fake news’ but to me all news to me is fake.

Writing

Writing is my ultimate therapy, a way to empty my mind onto text. My style tends to be angry as honestly, that tends to be my primary emotion in addition to stress and anxiety. Leaving these ideas on paper allows me to gain a better picture of what’s actually going on in my life. I can divide and conquer the pieces one by one until not only my text is all crossed out but all the disquiet that is in my brain; honestly my worst enemy.

However, writing is a medium that I use to discuss other subjects. This is where this blog comes in. All the otherness in my head becomes a subject of discussion whether it’s a minor detail I noticed missing in a game or how much I hate something or a joking satire. I have an elusive dream of become big and famous but to be frank with myself, no one really cares about what I have to say. I don’t focus on a niche nor do I provide the most useful solutions to everyday programming puzzles.

My journal is essentially my private blog though I don’t compose much in it. If anyone has realized it, I’m a pretty public and open person. I’d much rather write it here than hide it. I’ll take the risk of losing a job opportunity just for the sake of expressing my freedom. About the latter, this is the biggest drive for blogging: I can say whatever I want and articulate myself in anyway I want. It’s risky because this website is all my name but I honestly don’t care as long as I’m not talking about something that would put me in jail.

In the past, I was a software developer but started to realize that it was only something I liked at home and got disillusioned about when I started doing it for a living. What I loved so much as a hobby became a hatred for me in the corporate world. All the freedom I was used to was gone. I took a complete U-turn and signed up for a Technical Writing job. It hasn’t been that long since I’ve started but I’m already noticing the freedom that I have and what a bonus to get paid for something you’re so passionate about?

I’m poor when it comes to fiction so I stray away form it because my wonderful story about aliens will read like a biography rather than a fairy tale. Occasionally, I dabble into poetry but my biggest problem is understanding what I meant the next day. My idioms are a mess and my choice of words make it look like I abused the thesaurus.

When it comes to my strengths, I have to admit it’s essays which everyone else hates. Whether I’m talking about a tale of woe in my personal life or incomprehensible babble, I’m enamoured by that style of writing. Lest we forget the few satires that I made about drifting busses and wanting to be a cat.

I definitely don’t consider myself a good writer, more so mediocre finding myself cringing when I’m reread my penning adventures. The spelling mistakes, the odd idioms, the inappropriate length, poor flow and the thing that bothers me the most: detail maldistribution. Lack of formal training doesn’t help and being self-taught means I’ve never had a chance to be met with criticism. I’m just playing the lottery at this point.

Closing

Now people might be wondering why movies, travelling and so on are not on my life, it’s simply because they don’t take part in my life much. I may watch a documentary once or twice a month and that’s it. I’m not well travelled and I get homesick easily hence why I keep my outings limited to a couple of days only.

This was a shallow look into the aspects of live that I’m the most passionate about. Feel free to comment below about yours and suggest things that you may think that I like.

cdahmedeh - The History Behind my Username

My username dates far back, to approximately 2002, when I was still an early teenager. At the time, I spend most of my time playing on the Sega Genesis and the Sonic series were my favourite. One day, at Wal-Mart, I found a box for a PC Game called Sonic CD, I wanted it and made my father spent 30$ CAD on it.

Like everyone else, when I registered on forums, I wanted to have a pseudonym, though I preferred that my name would be in it somewhere.

At the time, Sonic CD was my favourite game of all time, as embarrassing as it was but don’t worry, it’s not the case anymore.

I was a bit inspired by my father’s pseudonym htarekh and I wanted my username to be cdahmedcd but I found it too repetitive, and substituted the second ‘cd’ to the prominent letters in my last name El-Hajjar, therefore ‘eh’. I ended up with cdahmedeh.

The username stuck with me for a long time and never really bothered to change it, even up to until today.

The proper pronunciation for the username is like this:

C D Ahmed E H

I don’t really make the effort in correcting people when trying to find the original meaning or pronouncing it, I think it’s interesting to see what people come up with.

What a boring reason!